If you keep one leg in the past and the other in the future, you’re just pissing on today. Find the closure you need to keep moving forward.
By: Jason Suerte Felipe
A bit vulgar and gross, but so undeniably true. How can we live in the present and look forward to the future when all we do is stay in the past? We have to learn how to cope with the trauma and find closure.
As we always say: easier said than done. The ending of such a significant portion of our lives- that being a job or relationships, whatever it may be- can be uncomfortable and painful. And in those moments, we often choose to stay in that pain. Finding comfort in that pain because at the time, that’s all we know to do.
Finding closure means accepting all the trauma, all the bullshit you’ve had to endure, then letting go of that bullshit. We have the power to go beyond the restrictions of trauma and find different possibilities- different perspectives– in order to feel whole once again.
Right. So after hearing all that life advice mumbojumbo- how do we do it?
Here Are 4 Things To Do In Finding Closure
(1) Grieve the Loss
It can take weeks, months- hell even years. There’s no set date or duration of time when it comes to closure. Sometimes it’ll be short, others long, depending on the severity of trauma.
But understand that although grief is a necessary step in closure, we should not prolong it longer than we have to. So go ahead and cry, get angry, be upset. Let yourself feel the emotions. Nothing good ever comes from keeping in the pain.
(2) Be honest
It’s you and only you. Only you have the power to take responsibility and move forward. In psychology today’s article “5 Ways to Find Closure From the Past,” they recommend having conversations with yourself in both asking and answering your “self dialogue.”
“What or whom are you holding onto and why? Does holding on truly make you happy, or are you hanging on to a situation the way it once was, or the way you wished it had been, instead of how it actually turned out? If you’re willing to let go, what does that mean and what do you have to do? Ultimately, what do you believe will happen to you if you let go?”
Those are some great questions to ask yourself and allows you to be open to different perspectives and possibilities. Being 100% true to your emotions will soon enough diminish the disappointment and give you a more realistic outlook of the situation.
(3) Gather Your Strengths
Focus on the positives. For example, I recently just left my job and I’m already feeling the discomfort. But finding the positives like having more time to write, going for a big move and creating a space for myself has lifted my spirits. Find the positive and remember why you decided to close that chapter and keep moving forward.
Most importantly, surround yourself with people who know you well and will encourage and support you during this time.
(4) Make a Plan
This can be one of if not the hardest steps in the process. You have to determine what’s important to you and find the right priorities for yourself- no one else. Most of us feel like we’re on a blank canvas, just creating a path as we go. And there’s nothing wrong in doing that. But try making a new path and finding the right opportunities along the way. And if a path doesn’t work out, make a new one.
Finding closure allows us to make one step closer to the future. We learn valuable and important lessons from all the significant people and events in our life. Take what you learned and use that to move forward.
How do you find closure? Share with us in the comments!