“The fact is, the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught. One doesn’t exist without the other. I wondered. . . Is cheating like the proverbial tree in the forest? That it doesn’t exists if there’s no one around?”
Carrie Bradshaw does a lot of wondering in the popular franchise Sex and The City and she’s got me wondering too. Why do people do what they do and what comes of it?
In episode six, “The Cheating Curve,” Bradshaw questions the legitimacy of cheating and what makes cheating what it is- a vile act of mistrust and disrespect. We have all heard of the saying “it’s not cheating if you don’t get caught.” But the action between keeping it a secret and doing the act itself is where the contradiction lies, and is why cheaters think they can get away with it.
By thinking “it’s not cheating if you don’t get caught” we are denying the legitimacy of cheating and downplaying the affects of what that does to a relationship. Sleeping with someone else when you are in a committed relationship is cheating- and keeping it a secret is cheating the relationship.
In a relationship, there are verbal and nonverbal agreements that we take part of. We may not say them aloud, but the parties in the relationship know what they are. Making a commitment to each other and committing to those agreements.
Now, there has been a lot of talk about the legitimacy of monogamy and if we are even capable of not cheating. That cheating is somehow an innate behavior we all have. And sometimes the opposite- polygamy- can be used as an excuse for cheating or keeping secrets because all parties make an agreement to be open. But regardless of being monogamy or polygamous, there are nonverbal and verbal agreements we commit to. It does not matter what type of relationship you are in- once you break the commitment- cheating is cheating.
Weather if it’s in our nature or not to cheat, it is not an excuse to being an untrustworthy partner.
There are probably 100 reasons why people cheat. Making us question if we deserve better or if we are the ones that did something wrong. But never underestimate a person’s ability to make you feel guilty for their mistake.
What are your experiences and thoughts on cheating? Share with us in the comments and start a conversation!
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Writer’s note: I apologize for the lack of posting. Life is life and I will do better.