Honesty Isn’t An Excuse To Be An Asshole

Honesty is the best policy. . . Right? There seems to be a fine line between being honest and being a straight up asshole.

By: Jason Suerte Felipe

I was scrolling through the internet to get some inspiration to write about and I came across a video that caught my attention:

“Honesty isn’t an excuse to be an asshole” by Anna Akana (which, by the way, you should check out! She makes incredibly relatable videos).

Akana explains how honesty is something we see in a high regard, especially in our relationships. We want our family, friends, and romantic partners to be honest. But sometimes honesty can feel cruel.

Sometime last year, I went on a Vegas trip with a group of new friends and we planned to go out and walk the strip. Like all the tourists in Vegas, I was excited and jittery. I wore, to what I thought, was a cute outfit and was- as they say- “feeling’ myself.” And my partner at the time quickly called out my cuffed pants and said they looked ugly.


Maybe a bit dramatic. But I was devastated. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. It’s just a pair of pants. No. What I experienced was sheer embarrassment. My confidence was shot and worst of all, it was said in front of my new friends.

In cases like that, there are better ways to verbally express your opinion. Rather than flat out judging, I would have understood and took it more lightly if maybe my partner pulled me aside to tell me or maybe at least showed some empathy to see how I would feel.

We go to people who care about us for their honesty, but it can be so difficult to have someone you hold with such high regard crush your self confidence. Or even your dreams.

So where is the line between being honest and being mean? 

Does it lie in a person’s intention? I’ve had a person tell me something in the lines of “You’re good looking, that’s all that will help you. Don’t worry though, that’s not a bad thing!” I was flabbergasted, as you can imagine. There is more to someone than their looks: talents, brains, beliefs, determination just to name a few! Or a common one, having a family member question your talents and abilities to succeed .

Akana makes a good point in saying that:

“We have all kinds of stupid, horrible thoughts everyday. But that doesn’t mean we should articulate every single one of them.”

Honesty should come from a place of love. Even when it’s deeper than appearances like being honest about your actions, i.e. coming clean about a lie. The intention of being honest with someone is because you care about them enough to tell them their faults or your opinions, in a respectable manner. People tend to forget that you can be brutally honest without having to sugarcoat or be rude.

You should be honest. But you shouldn’t be an asshole.

What are your thoughts on honesty? Would you rather have someone be brutally honest or tiptoe around it? Share with us in the comments!

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